do not read if you're bored. or if you arent. it's just a boring post. really, it is.
i'm finding...
answers. answers to settle my unpeaceful heart?
despite much talk, i'm still thinking.
there's a sense of uncertainty in me. i'm not sure. =/
just what can solve this puzzle in me.
it's not abt me. maybe to me, it's about u.
have i hurt you, again? sorry?
does sorry even help now?
even when you're cold to me.
i ask. i turn out wrong.
somehow, i feel you are.
lies? deceptions?
hope not.
maybe a normal everyday ask "where are you".
i dont actually mean literally?
i dont make my point clear.
whatever it is.
to ask myself to hate you.
last time would be so very hard.
maybe now,
it'll just be even more difficult.
dont ask why. i myself am not sure.
i'm feeling perplexed.
i'm keeping things inside.
certain other stuff.
try finding out.
maybe that's just another wish.
as i've said. imptance.
our term of trust.
lost it.
find? wish.
a miracle must happen by tonight.
fireworks. last night of display.
wish.
a wish made before. and to be gone.
will be saved?
i'm not making myself clear.
i'm talking senseless stuff.
maybe you'll get me. wish.
i wish that i can sing,
"Sometimes I imagine the world without you
But most time I'm just so happy that I ever found you
Cuz at least I feel alive
I never faced so many emotional days
But my life is good I'm feeling you. I'm feeling you"
however, instead, this seems more appropriate
"goodbye to you,
Goodbye to everything i thought i knew,
Hold on to...
And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time,"
wish.
what can i do?
oh i know. i know what you wish me to do.
but it seems improbable.
with the germs of jealousy floating in the air.
i'll catch it as easy as ABC.
anti-climax. i sense no joke.
i dont expect anth. i've got assurances over this term.
I DONT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ugh. the determination i've had.
to actually... i'm ashamed.
to actually hurt u.
the way you've hurt me.
i cant even carry that out.
but having that thought is bad enough.
it's embarrassing. yet i'm writing it out here.
show what a lowdown idiot i can be.
*slaap.
currently, i'm the selfish one.
it's obvious.
*slaap.
little things i cant even do,
little facts i cant even swallow.
however i know i can let u go if it means happiness at another side for you.
HM. maybe not? =/ it'll be tough but this one thing, i can do it. at least for you.
was that day on purpose.
talking abt * so happily with mhy.
i felt like slapping you. punching you.
i almost called you over and give you a punch on your face.
but even this i'm afraid. dang.
unsurprisingly, i wasnt afraid of actually hurting you.
but just afraid. this aint consoling at all.
i'm sorry if you're reading it.
i came out frm the toilet.
to see you with mhy there at the canteen.
OH. i so felt like running away.
i could feel my face fall.
dread.
felt like punching you once more.
but that time i was afraid of hurting you.
emotional pain was enough for you, literal pain, difficult for me to think the consequences.
instead i punched beep at her knee.
the wall. aiyuh.
this is definately a deja vu.
you never know when sick bay will come again.
maybe the hosp.
oh dang it. i'm really talking sense huh?! -.-
i hate myself.
i dont like you asking others to console me.
i know it. yes i know.
oh this aint helping.
i'm a foooool.
sit at night, trying to think things clear.
trying to sort my thoughts.
nothing comes to me. really nothing.
other than, "i hate you".
all of which, are just words without truth.
no truth.
running away from reality.
with those words.
distasteful words, to me.
i just wanna find a studio with mirrors on all four walls.
and dance till i drop. maybe till i hit the wall.
wahhaha. anti climax. not funny. not funny at all.
='/
i cant even force the tears out from me.
i'm so numb the numb is hurting me.
froze bites?
i cant cry. i wanna let it out. i just cant cry.
dang.
chalet. wish things will be settled by then.
hm.
a promise made. to go to the beach and enjoy the breeze one fine night.
right, beeep*?
i still miss that night.
i miss thailand. if only we were alr beeep by then.
i missssss thailand so very much.
i need a click device. a device to click me back to the past. i'll relive and not make the same ol'stupid mistakes.
watch click if you havent. i wish uncle morty would give me another chance as well.
*slaap. PUNCH. KICK. BISHHHHH.
i promise you a happy post the next time round. even if...
it's to be created.
and oh i forgot. i'm still 7. i shall stay 7. although i say it's numb
and although the numb is hurting. 7 shall be.
no, 6. 6. dang. i'm not sure. =/
Of all the things i've believed in,
I just want to get it over with,
Tears form behind my eyes,
But i do not cry,
Counting the days that pass me by.
I've been searchin' deep down in my soul,
Words that i'm hearin' are starting to get old,
It feels like i'm starting all over again,
Every memory of lookin' out the back door,
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor,
It's hard to say it, time to say it,
Good-bye good-bye.
Every memory of walkin' out the front door,
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for,
It's hard to say it, time to say it,
Good-bye good-bye.
(rmb this lyrics. will you) rmb it. you'll hear again. in chalet.
good morning, good night, take care.
these words i say now. for today. till the time we can say it again.
i cant swallow it. 6days running. no online chat. possible a day without smsing.
no phone talk.
no reality communication.
what has become of this. maybe everything's to be in heart?!
what crap. i cant bear to let this happen. but still, i'm the cause of it.
i'm ironic. dumb-ass me. =/
i wish.
DANCED- 11:35 AM